


I WROTE MUPPREG AND I HATE IT

by muppreg



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: And there’s porn, Birth, Mpreg, Muppetverse, Pregnancy, forgot to add that it do happen and it’s not too graphic but it does Happen, sorry - Freeform, which stands for “muppet pregnancy”
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:15:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24732190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muppreg/pseuds/muppreg
Summary: Juno and Muppet!Peter have a baby, and also sex, and I am upset that I wrote it.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 19
Kudos: 16





	I WROTE MUPPREG AND I HATE IT

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck you floyd

It all started, as most things between them did, with a heist. 

More specifically, it started as Juno was racing through the halls of an abandoned Dark Matters building, dodging laser fire and booby traps with every step.  _ Just another day at the office!  _ Juno thought, stepping over a raised floor tile and narrowly avoiding another laser to the face. 

Vespa glanced down at the holographic map projected by her comms, then nodded her head toward a hallway that branched off to their left. “This way!”

Juno followed wordlessly, his speech swallowed by his desperate gasps for breath. He was getting too old for this. 

They rounded the corner into a corridor which, thankfully, held far fewer deadly lasers. Vespa led the way until they reached the exit, where, thankfully, the Ruby-7 awaited. She beeped cheerfully as Juno dove into the backseat, pausing only for a moment to press a tender kiss to the soft velvet of Peter’s cheek. 

Peter, in his Muppet booster seat (complete with hand controls for the Ruby-7, as his tiny legs couldn’t reach the pedals — not that the Ruby-7  _ needed _ him to reach the pedals), adjusted the mirror and smirked. 

“Did you two have fun?” he asked as they sped away from the abandoned building. 

Vespa snorted. “Yeah, if almost getting shish-kebabed by death spikes is your idea of fun.”

Peter shrugged. “It certainly sounds exciting.”

“We got the blueprints,” said Juno, holding up the roll of paper they’d stolen from the half-ruined archives. “So, you know, yay for us. Even if my hair  _ did _ get a little singed.”

“Hmm,” said Peter. “That sounds like quite the adventure.”

He tapped his felted fingers against the steering wheel in an almost frantic rhythm. Juno noticed that he was kicking those little legs where they hung beneath his booster seat, letting them swing like velveteen pendulums. 

Juno frowned. “Everything all right, Ransom?”

Peter glanced at him in the rearview mirror. The shifts in his expression were so minute as to be invisible to the casual onlooker. Fortunately for Juno, he had spent the better part of a year looking on that face, and he knew its every microexpression: the twitching corner of his mouth was worry, but the slight raise of an eyebrow, the twinkle in those plasticine eyes —  _ that _ was excitement. 

“Everything’s wonderful, Juno,” he said. 

Juno rolled his eyes, but decided not to press the issue. If there was a problem, Peter would tell him; if not, well, no harm done. 

They arrived back at the  _Carte Blanche_ in a little under an hour. Juno kept meeting Peter’s gaze in the rearview mirror. Vespa groaned and complained about goo-goo eyes every time they did. It was a pretty typical car ride, all things considered. Juno helped Peter down from his seat and the two of them made their way back to their room. As they walked, Juno sneaked glances down toward his side. Every time, Peter was gazing up at him lovingly. Every time, it made Juno’s heart beat a little faster. 

Their room had been left in disarray — neither of them were morning people, though Peter liked to pretend he could have a coherent conversation before 10 am — but Juno ignored the mess, instead flopping onto the soft bed and groaning as his aching limbs finally had the chance to relax. He felt the bed shift beside him as Peter crawled onto the soft covers and ran a hand lovingly through Juno’s curls. 

“I have something to tell you,” said Peter. His voice shook, though Juno couldn’t tell whether it was with excitement or fear. 

Juno turned his face in order to look at Peter. His eyes shone with excitement and terror in equal measure. Juno wondered if he, too, had looked like that when he’d first stepped aboard the  _Carte Blanche_ and heard those words that had set his heart racing: “Hello, Juno. It’s been a while.”

“What’s up?” Juno asked, scooting closer delicately so as not to disrupt Peter’s perfect posture. 

Peter rested his tiny hand on Juno’s cheek. “Dear,” he said, “remember the conversation we had a couple weeks ago? About starting our family?”

Juno did, in fact, remember that conversation. It had been difficult, but ultimately worth it — over the course of a few days, Juno and Peter had each shared memories of their troubled childhoods, of the ways in which their parents had failed them, of the stress and fear and anger that had plagued them for years after. Then they had spoken of star-studded futures, of heists so complex and ambitious that they would take years to complete, of changing the galaxy one crime at a time, but also of a tiny cottage on a planet with lots of green, of a small wedding with their family surrounding them, and even the pattering of little feet, someday, if they chose. And they  _did_ choose, in the end. 

“You don’t mean...” said Juno, glancing down at Peter’s stomach and then back to his face. His ping-pong eyes shone with tears as he nodded. 

“You’re going to be a mother,” said Peter, his voice breaking on the last word. 

Juno swept Peter into his arms and kissed him as the tears began to spill down his cheeks. “Shit, Nureyev,” he said. “Oh, my god. We’re having a baby.”

Peter nodded. “We’re having a baby,” he said, laughing all the while. 

...

Preparing for a Muppet-human pregnancy was difficult. It wouldn’t be impossible, per se, but if complications arose, they would need Vespa on hand immediately. As soon as they had wiped their tears, they went to visit her in the med bay, where she confirmed that Peter was pregnant and began to formulate a plan of action. 

Muppet pregnancy typically lasted about two months, which meant that keeping a Muppet pregnant with a half-human half-Muppet baby was a concerted effort. They took nearly six months to gestate fully, though were often delivered as much as a month prematurely due to the limitations of Muppet biology. Unfortunately, there was very little research on the subject of Muppet-human pregnancies; they had only recently become legal, as the fact that Muppets and humans were separate species meant that their offspring would be infertile. Though the technology had existed for years to remedy that fact in Mumans who wished to become parents, prejudice had prevailed through most of the galaxy until very recently. Juno could remember cases where people had sued Muppets for their own pregnancies and miscarriages as late as his own time with the HCPD; progress had been slow, but Juno felt so lucky to live in a time when he could start a family with Peter. 

The point was, even after only a few short months, things were moving right a long. 

Juno lay beside Peter after their first ultrasound, his hand resting on the plush swell of Peter’s stomach. From inside came a soft fluttering. It set Juno’s heart alight. 

Peter reclined, closing his eyes and pressing his face closer to Juno. He hummed. “They won’t settle down, tonight.”

Juno rolled closer to Peter and kissed his belly. “Hey,” he whispered, “give your dad some rest. He’s been working real hard to make you. Give him a break.”

Peter giggled as Juno kissed his stomach again. “It’s not working,” he groaned. “And that tickles.”

“Does it?” Juno leaned back down and kissed Peter’s belly again, except this time he made sure to brush his lips lightly against his felted skin, brushing his fingers along Peter’s waist. 

“Juno, you  _fiend_! ” Peter gasped. Juno laughed and returned to kissing a path down the curve of Peter’s belly, dipping lower until he came to the place where Peter’s torso ended. He pressed another kiss to the seam between Peter’s torso and his legs. 

“Juno,” Peter gasped again, though this time in a very different tone. Juno traced his tongue towards Nureyev’s hole. Every time he drew close to the entrance, he danced away from it again, teasing until Nureyev was grabbing at his hair, pulling it desperately. 

“Come on now, Juno,” Nureyev gasped. “Surely you can find my—”

Juno maneuvered to his hole and  _ sucked _ , closing his mouth around Peter’s entrance and creating a vacuum seal of pleasure. He slurped up every drop of moisture from the inside as Peter moaned, filthy, squirming on the bed with pleasure. 

“Oh, Juno,” he cried. “Oh,  _Juno_! ”

He came with a shout, his tiny hand coiled tight in Juno’s curls. Juno licked for a few moments more before pressing one last kiss to Peter’s thigh and moving back up the bed to lay beside him. Peter turned to face him with a smile. He glanced down at where Juno’s pants had tented around his erect penis and raised an eyebrow. 

“Want some help with that?” he asked. 

Juno shrugged. “You’re carrying our child,” he said. “That sounds like enough work for a lifetime.”

“What if I told you I wanted you inside of me?” Peter asked. 

Juno felt his face grow warm. “I might be up for that,” he admitted. 

Peter gestured to Juno’s crotch. “It certainly looks like you are.”

Juno laughed as Peter sat up and maneuvered himself so he was straddling Juno. Juno fiddled with his pants until they were no longer an obstacle to his imminent orgasm and helped Peter lower himself onto his dick. His hole, still sopping wet, slid onto Juno’s dick, fitting like a soft woolen glove. 

“ _ Nureyev _ ,” Juno moaned as Peter rocked his hips forward. 

“Juno,” Nureyev gasped. 

“Ah,  _ fuck _ ,” said Juno. “Shit, Nureyev. You’re so—”

Peter rocks forward again, grinding against Juno so hard that Juno sees stars. It takes Juno a moment to recollect his thoughts. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he moans. “You’re carrying our  _ kid _ , Nureyev. I mean, hell, that takes a kind of strength I can’t even imagine.”

Peter rocked forward again, and Juno moaned. “You’re so beautiful,” he gasped. “Nureyev...”

Nureyev’s hands were everywhere — Juno’s stomach, his chest, his nipples — and he was so tight and warm around Juno’s girth, and it was only a moment before Juno was gone. Nureyev followed him over the brink, shouting Juno’s name as he went. 

Peter slumped forward and rested against Juno’s chest, turning to the side to accommodate his stomach. “Well,” he said. “That was... wonderful.”

Juno pressed a careful kiss to the crown of his head. “If that didn’t tire them out,” he muttered, “I don’t think anything will.”

...

It was six months to the day after Peter had discovered his pregnancy when he gripped Juno’s hand tightly, gasping out a desperate “It’s time.”

“They’re coming?” Juno asked, panic gripping his heart. 

Peter nodded, face tight and clutching his belly. “They’re coming.”

Vespa ordered Peter to the med bay. Muman births were dangerous, owing both to the relative size difference between Muppets and humans and to the general lack of elasticity in felt as compared to human muscle and skin. She had demanded to keep a close eye on Peter’s progress, and as the night wore on, Juno grew grateful for her calming presence. 

“ Juno ,” Peter gasped, caught in the grips of a contraction. Vespa glanced down at her watch. 

“That’s two minutes apart,” she grunted. “Juno, help him up on the exam table. I gotta take a look.”

Juno held Peter’s hand as Vespa examined him. When another contraction arrived, he smoothed Peter’s yarn hair away from his forehead. 

“You can do it, honey,” he whispered. “Just a little longer.”

Finally,  _ finally _ , it was time to push. Juno held Peter’s shoulders as he timed each push with each contraction, shouting with pain and effort and frustration, until Vespa was smiling and shouting that she could see its head. 

“One more push, Ransom,” she grunted. “C’mon, kid. You’re almost there.”

Juno kissed Peter’s forehead. “You’re doing amazing,” he said. “I love you  so _much_ . You can do this.”

And he did. Their new child slid into the world at 8:47 pm, wailing angrily at the discomfort of that sterile med bay. Vespa checked them thoroughly, toweled them off, and handed them to a sobbing Peter. 

“Oh,” he said, staring at them reverently. 

Their skin was the same dark maroon as Peter’s, but their hair was human, curly atop their felt head. They had Peter’s Muppet mouth but Juno’s human fingernails and teeth, clean and white against the fabric of their hands and face. They opened their eyes to meet Juno’s, and Juno felt a kind of love grip his heart that he had never,  _ ever _ felt before. 

“ _ Oh _ ,” he whispered. “They’re perfect.”

Peter nodded. “Floyd Steel,” he muttered, brushing one finger through their curls. “Our perfect child.”

Juno held his family in his arms and felt like he was finally,  _finally_ home. 

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck you floyd


End file.
